Steve Sarkisian's been on his own as a head coach for two full, mostly successful seasons now at Washington, but in some respects he's still learning on the job. This spring, for example, he's overseeing his first quarterback battle after two years with undisputed leader Jake Locker at the controls of the offense, and may be close to naming sophomore Keith Price the starter over redshirt freshman Nick "Yes That Montana" Montana after Price owned the Huskies' second spring scrimmage on Saturday. Per ESPN's Ivan Maisel, though, he still felt compelled to call a former mentor about how to break the news to the team:
Washington coach Steve Sarkisian, trying to decide when to name sophomore Keith Price or redshirt freshman Nick Montana as the replacement for quarterback Jake Locker, made a crosstown phone call Monday to his former boss at USC. Sarkisian asked Seahawks coach Pete Carroll about how and when to tell the team. "I know what I feel. I know what I want," Sarkisian said. "How do you get it all across?"
One hint regarding timing: Sarkisian recalled 2003, when Carroll waited until after spring practice ended to name Matt Leinart as the starter over Matt Cassel.
Waiting until the end of spring drills is one way to go about it. Based on Carroll's history with quarterbacks and quarterback controversies, though, his advice more likely boiled down to a five-pronged test:
1. Is either of your quarterbacks named 'Matt'?
If yes: Immediately name Matt the starter and tell the team, "I'm totally jacked to introduce your new quarterback: Matt."
If no: Next question.
2. Does either of your quarterbacks project as a possible first-round draft pick?
If yes: Name him the starter, but tell the team and the media that he will never make it in the NFL.
If no: Next question.
3. Were you more or less determined to name one quarterback or the other the starter no matter what you see in practice?
If yes: Wait until the other quarterback takes a quick break from practice for water or to deal with a minor equipment issue, name your guy the starter, then tell the other QB when he comes back, "Sorry, we just couldn't afford to wait on you."
If no: Next question.
4. Does either of your quarterbacks have a sense of humor?
If yes: Secretly tell the funnier of the two that he's the starter. Then, hold him out of the next practice, pretend you don't know where he is, hire a stunt double who looks like your new starter ascend the tallest building in sight and —�with the entire team watching — hurl himself from the roof onto a trampoline or padded mat the team can't see, while screaming "I'll never hold a clipboard!" While everyone rushes to the scene, quickly remove the trampoline/mat and have your new starter (already waiting below) lie motionless on the ground. Then, just as the players arrive at the "mangled corpse" of their teammate, arrange for an ambulance to pull up with a pair of paramedics who rush to your new starter, hover over him for a minute or two, then declare there's nothing they can do. He's … gone.
At just that moment, arrange for a second ambulance to arrive carrying actor/comedian Will Ferrell, who leaps out of the back and proceeds to theatrically administer CPR and defibrillator paddles to the "critically injured" player while screaming "Don't you die on me!" until your new starter "comes to." At which point Ferrell calmly tells the stupefied audience, "He made it, everybody. Your new starting quarterback made it."
If no: Next question.
5. In your heart, are you truly jacked about either quarterback?
If yes: Name him the starter and tell the team, "I am so jacked to have this kid as our starting QB."
If no: Consider finding a new job.
Don't kid yourself, Sark: If the spark isn't there, there are always tealer pastures somewhere.
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Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.
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